27 More to Go

It is Saturday morning – 27 more treatments to go. Some Saturday morning thoughts:

Having radiation treatments on my brain is surreal. I can see the machine flashing in pulses and hear it working, but can’t see much more than that. As I lay there, I think “there is something significant going on in my brain right now.” I am not sure what is happening in my brain – are cancer cell getting blasted? I can’t feel anything. I am going to have to take a picture of the radiator thing…

I am one tenth of the way through my treatment. Next week at this time I will be 23/30ths of the way through – and by the fourth of July I will have less than twenty treatments left. Almost there!

There is a fella who is having his treatments at the same time I am. His last day is July 1. I am a bit envious of where he is in his treatments. But crap, what a celebration when he is done!

There is a factor of humiliation when you have cancer. There is something within your body that you cannot control. It takes things from you – for me it has been the ability to work full time (I am finally applying for disability), it has changed relationships with family and friends, Jenn and I struggle through the first time we went through surgery and chemotherapy. It took us years to get back to the same page. At Upenn, they give you hospital gowns to wear for treatment (MD Anderson in Houston gives you scrubs). UPenn has you put one on forward and one on backwards. There is no way to keep those suckers on. It is a bit undignified. If it is not bad enough to go through radiation, try walking around a hospital keeping two hospital gowns from falling off. I would rather sit in the waiting room with my shirt on and then take it off when I get into the radiator machine.

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